Voda Spa, LA
the pool room
A spa treatment, with the promise of drinking vodka after,
note the leaves waiting to hit her
is what lured us to the popular Voda Spa in West Hollywood. We went on a Friday night, thinking it would be the ultimate compromise between being social and indulgent. What we hadn’t counted on was getting such a work out from our treatment that drinking vodka would be the last thing we’d feel like doing.
Voda Spa is huge – it could be a night club. Split over two floors in an unassuming building (from the outside it looks like a warehouse), it’s the first time I’ve gone to a spa treatment and been surrounded by more men than women. But it’s nice – Belinda said she’d happily take her husband back there.
We’d booked in for a Russian Bear massage and a Platza. The Russian Bear sounded amazing – a full-body rub-down for 80 minutes. The platza was a little mysterious – all we knew was that we had to take a swimsuit.
We were taken into a changing room and advised to put on our bikini’s, slip on the provided rubber sandals and wrap a robe around us before heading to the main pool room, which also has a jacuzzi, cold plunge pool, bar, showers, loungers to rest on and two banya’s (wet and dry).
We soaked in the jacuzzi and watched a couple relax on the loungers with a green face mask and fruity looking cocktails. Just as we were debating whether or not to get a cocktail ourselves, our little elf-like clinicians came to take us to the banya. I call them this because they were in odd attire – short guys with felt hats with a point (presuming this is Russian) and navy board shorts. They reminded me of the dude from Jamiroqai. Anyway, they came clutching a bunch of leaves and lead us to the sauna.
I’m not a huge fan of sauna’s. I tend to get a bit claustraphobic, I certainly hate feeling faint from overheating. Anyway, I dutifully walked into the hot, hot, hot room and lay down on the towel at the top bench (normally I sit on the bottom). My friend with the leaves started to dip them in the bucket of water beside me… Belinda and I, lay face-to-face wondering what on earth this treatment (the Platza) was going to be.
Seconds later, I felt drips of water from the leaves down my back and legs. It was kind of nice and tingly. Then he ran the bunch of leaves (I later found out they were oak) down my legs before whacking me with a resounding thump. A thump! The website described it as ‘rhythmic taps and strokes’. He whacked me again and again with the bunch of leaves. The surprise of it caused a burst of giggles to escape my mouth, just as I got thumped again. This time came the instructions, ‘just relax’ and then another thump. We were getting told off, whacked by an angry little elf-man.
The second part of the treatment is lying on your back and getting whacked with the bunch of leaves. I rolled over for what felt like a good few minutes but in reality was probably only a couple. I just couldn’t take the heat – it felt so much more oppressive sunny side up. So I bailed, quickly, without a second thought and left the banya to sit on a stool outside.
My clinician rushed after me, first asking if i was alright (I was), and then to lead me to a shower where I had to quickly rinse off my sweat under the stream of cool water before plunging into the icy cold plunge pool.
Like a slap to the face I jumped into the cold water and gasped instinctively for air before going all the way under. The shock of the cold from the heat is something I’ll never forget – it awakens you instantly, insults your senses but is a strange cool relief from the 200 degree banya. (I might be exaggerating here but it sure felt hot!).
From icy cold water to warm swimming pool – the final touch of the Platza is a length or two of the swimming pool, by the time I reached the ladder my masseuse was waiting for me with a big fluffy towel and a glass of water.
The Russian Bear massage was divine – I might have dozed off, I certainly felt relaxed after. In fact after all the rigorous detoxing we’d put our bodies through we felt that drinking vodka in the bar would be counter-productive. Plus we didn’t take our makeup. Plus, I hadn’t actually removed my makeup so I had eyes like a panda. Plus we had oily hair. You can, if you want, stay as long as you like and go back to the jacuzzi, pool or dine at the cafe. But we were, blissfully, done.
Put this on your must-do LA list!
7700 Santa Monica Blvd
West Hollywood
Have you ever had a funny spa treatment? Tell us your funniest experience… funniest wins a high five!
Tamsin xoxo
